Set People Free By Using Humility
If we want to be free, we need to learn to set others free. Humility is our friend in this endeavour. This post is an attempt to define humility for myself. Can I start to get to the answer by looking at what humility is not?
Humility is not: being less important than someone else
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less
— CS Lewis
Being a worm is not humility. Small thinking is not humility. It is not humility to compare ourselves to others and say to ourselves “I’m just a …” Being a victim can be a way of controlling others because we expect them to look after us and then when they don’t we can comfort ourselves by saying they should have treated us better.
Humility is not: being more important than someone else
Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.
— Jesse Jackson
Conversely, humility is not being a hotshot. Just think of someone wielding the line “Don’t you know who I am?” If we have to tell others how important we are then we’re not on the path of humility. Just think about it though, why do we want to wield our power and influence in that way? We want to control others.
Humility is: knowing your value and placing it at the service of something bigger
I once heard a story told of Arnold Palmer who would sit on the patio at colf course restaurants near the edge where people walking by could see him. Folks would stop and ask for an autograph and he would greet them, chat to them and give them an autograph. He made himself accessible to them and made their day.
Arnold Palmer shows us a middle ground. He knew he was famous and accepted it and then put that attribute at the service of others. He knew he could make someone’s day by giving them some of his time so he did.
I have struggled to stay in the middle ground. In my life I have spent more time on the victim side of the equation. One place where that shows up the most is in my marriage. It’s not attractive to be the victim. The good news is that been able to have meaningful conversations with my wife and I have made progress and experienced tremendous growth.
Have more humility. Remember you don’t know the limits of your own abilities. Successful or not, if you keep pushing beyond yourself, you will enrich your own life — and maybe even please a few strangers.
— A.L. Kennedy
I was only able to make progress because I know there is a bigger mission. When I got married, I took up a mission to write the world’s best love story with my life. That’s love story is never going to be the world’s best if I’m a little half-worm-man. My wife deserves to be loved by the most dashing and heroic prince.
When I find myself failing in either direction, I escape into the middle ground by recognizing that I have gifts to give. Then I stay in the middle ground by giving those gifts and letting go. When I give my gifts and let go, I set others free and become free myself.
Perhaps then my definition of humility is this: Know that you are a gift, the best gift, a world class gift, and give it freely without attachment.
Do you recognize that you have incredible gifts to give? Do you recognize that you yourself are perhaps the most valuable gift of all? Try giving it away today and see how powerful and freeing it is to give and let go.
